What Does It Mean to be a Good Ally?

Apr 28, 2020 | Education, Mentor, Role Model

What does it mean to be a good ally?

First of all, let’s define ally. This is a term used to describe someone who is supportive of people who experience something negative or traumatic. An example of an ally is someone who supports someone else who has experienced sexual violence. This person recognizes that sexual and intimate partner violence are prevalent issues in our culture and shouldn’t be tolerated or perpetuated. According to the Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Center at the University of Michigan: “Being an ally means that you’ll be a proactive bystander and actively work to reduce rape culture and victim blaming; encourage healthy relationships; continue to educate yourself and others in your community, and remain committed to supporting survivors.”

Who is an ally? Some examples of people who can be allies are:

  • Friends
  • Mentors, like coaches, teachers, counselors, doctors, spiritual leaders
  • Family members
  • Your employer and coworkers

What makes a good ally?

  • Open to listening.
  • Aware of their biases.
  • Understands that someone trusts them.
  • Believes the person.
  • Helps the person find resources.
  • Tries to support the other person and help them feel better.
  • Speaks up and supports survivors.
  • Reminds a survivor that what happened to them is not their fault.
  • Educates themselves about sexual and intimate partner violence. They learn the impact it has on the individual, relationship, community, and societal levels.
  • Is patient.

What makes a “not so good” ally?

  • Demands to know the details of what happened.
  • Forces their opinions and views on the other person.
  • Questions the other person and tells them to “move on”.
  • Makes the situation about them.
  • “Outs” the person.
  • Asks insensitive questions.
  • Gives unwanted advice, explanations, and safety tips.

Remember that no one starts out knowing all the right things to do. So just educate yourself and do your best. It is ok if you make mistakes. Part of being an ally is learning how to be a good ally.

 

Photo by Tiago Felipe Ferreira on Unsplash