How to Help Your Friends Talk About Boundaries

Luckily and sadly we are currently living in the #metoo era. Luckily because, finally, people are talking about consent and boundaries. Sadly because there are so many people that don’t know about their own boundaries and how to ask about and respect the boundaries of other people.

If you and your friends are talking about dating or any type of relationship, this is the time to explore verbalizing your boundaries. Say something as simple as “I think it’s important to talk about boundaries even if we’re just practicing. Will you practice with me?” You can get tools for talking to your friends at itstartswithusnm.org.

So, what are boundaries? Boundaries are a limit you can set on behavior & activities you will and won’t accept. There are many different spaces where you can utilize boundaries. For example:

• Material: How you want your possessions to be treated.
• Physical: Ways you like to encounter and not encounter touch.
• Mental: What you will & won’t deal with when it comes to how someone can emotionally and/or verbally treat you.
• Emotional: Ways you would like to feel and ways you would not like to feel.

Boundaries are not just for romantic relationships. They are also for family, friends, and people in authority positions, like teachers. A boundary can be something like, “I don’t like to be hugged” or “I don’t want you to look at my phone unless I invite you” or “When I talk to you, I would prefer to have someone else present.”

It’s important when you’re talking with your friends to let them know that boundaries, just like people, can change and evolve. When you declare a boundary, you don’t have to stick with it forever.  You’re allowed to change your boundaries when it feels right for you. As long as you’re comfortable with what you have set, that’s what matters. There’s nothing wrong with evolving and possibly changing your boundaries.

Why would you want you and/or your friends to have healthy boundaries?  Having healthy boundaries allows for people to have better communication and to get what they want and need. You’re taking care of yourself, and that’s a great first step to establishing healthy relationships. When talking to your friends you can even present it as a self-care tactic.

A good analogy and something so many of us are familiar with is the safety instructions speech on flights. When the instructions start, there’s a section where they talk about what to do when the oxygen masks drop down. The flight attendants point out that you have to put yours on first before you can help anyone else.

That can also be applied to boundaries. Once, you figure out what you need to take care of yourself you’re setting yourself up for success to be able to help and interact with others.

Photo by Bewakoof.com Official on Unsplash