Unpacking Reactions

           As teachers and mentors trying to prevent sexual violence, you may encounter strong emotional responses from young people in regards to the content about lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning (LGBTQ+) people. Evidence shows homophobic teasing is a component of bullying that may escalate to sexual violence later on.  In a classroom or group setting, there are some student reactions that, if not addressed, may set a social norm that harms some students and reinforces harmful myths. Mentors and teachers can interrupt and question these reactions in a way that supports learning and reflection while also communicating intolerance for violence.

 

           When I was 10 years old I was playing at my best friend’s house, and she told me her aunt was a lesbian. I said, “Ewww, that’s gross.” Her mom was in the room and asked, “Do you know what a lesbian is?” I shook my head ‘no.’ I had no idea what it was, but somehow I had learned it was bad. She told me that a lesbian is a woman who loves another woman, and there was nothing bad or gross about it. The educational moment was quick and to the point, and it stuck with me my whole life. It was the first time in my life that someone had said it was ok to be gay. I discovered a word for this indescribable thing, and beyond that, I found acceptance for this thing I thought I was supposed to hate. It was another 10 years before I realized that I was bisexual. When I tell my coming out story, it begins with that moment, when an adult challenged my reaction.

 

           As mentors, teachers, and peers, we can help people unpack their reactions to learn about their underlying assumptions and feelings about LGBTQ+ people. If we do so compassionately, we can meet people where they are and challenge myths and assumptions about the world. There are pervasive myths about gender norms, violence, and responsibility that condone sexual violence. When we can recognize and unpack them, it gives others the tools to prevent violence from occurring. Here’s an example.

 

Setting: In a health class the teacher mentions a relationship between two people who have female genitalia. Some students giggle and another student says, “that’s hot.” The class laughs. When the teacher mentions relationships between two people who have male genitalia, some in the class giggle, and one person groans and sneers.

 

Teachers often have to ignore disruption to move on with the lesson. Not all reactions require attention. In this case, the students’ reactions reinforce heterosexism and send the message to all students that it is NOT ok to be gay. If the teacher ignores it without making it a learning opportunity, they are condoning this message.

 

Unpacking the reaction:

 

           Without addressing any one student in particular, the teacher could say, “Talking about sex can be uncomfortable, giggling is a common way to get out that discomfort. We cover safer sex practices for all kinds of body pairings because humans experience sexuality in many different ways. Pairing of same gender is just as normal as different gender pairings. All humans are deserving of respect.”

 

           The teacher could say, “When I talk about sexual pairings that are unfamiliar to you, you may have feelings. You may feel intrigued, uncomfortable, angry, or confused. Notice what you are feeling without judgment. Everyone in this classroom deserves to be respected, and not be shamed. Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender people experience discrimination simply because their gender or sexuality makes someone else uncomfortable. Let’s make an effort to be open-minded and non-judgmental about gender and sexuality, and not take our discomfort out on anyone else.

 

           Interrupting and unpacking emotional reactions can provide a powerful teaching moment. In a setting with fewer people, a mentor or teacher could ask the individual, “How did you react to the information?” Or “When did you start to feel that way?” These questions invite a story and a conversation. It’s important for mentors and teachers to take the time to understand the stories behind the reactions, which they can do by truly listening. That is when a meaningful dialogue can begin. It starts with us to prevent sexual violence. Tips and information are available at www.ItStartsWithUsNM.org/tools.

Blog by Alex Ross-Reed (she, her, hers), a sexual violence preventionist, health educator, writer, and artist living in Albuquerque, New Mexico.