What is All This Talk About Consent?

For many people, consent is something they are just now hearing people talk about in the media and in their personal circles. We wish that wasn’t the case, but it is. Mainstream society has failed all of us in this way. But, we would like to commend and support you now in finding out more about consent. And, as you learn more, help your friends to know more about it too. Try to open up a conversation about what consent means.

 The dictionary definition of consent is “permission for something to happen or agreement to do something.”

So, what does that mean to you? It means that you’re the gatekeeper of your body, time & energy. And it also means we all need to learn how to listen to other people’s needs and/or wants so that we can reduce the likelihood that we will cross their boundaries.

Consent is something that can be given and taken back by the person that has stated it. For example, if you are making out with someone and they ask if they can touch your chest and you respond with a “yes” then, great! But, if on another day you’re making out with the same person and they ask to touch your chest and you respond with a “no” then that’s great too! That’s an example of giving and taking back consent on the same activity with the same person. Just because you were ok with being touched that way one day doesn’t mean you are always ok with the same type of touch and or interaction. Consent is about communication and should happen all the time, even in established relationships. There are many ways to give consent. Verbally is not necessarily the only way, but it is the most reliable and accurate way. We recommend that consent always be verbal because body language is not always reliable for lots of reasons.

Positive consent can look like:

• Communicating when you change the type or degree of sexual activity with phrases like “Is this OK?” or “What would feel good for you right now?”
• Explicitly agreeing to certain activities, either by saying “yes” or another affirmative statement, like “I’m open to trying.”.

It does NOT look like:

• Refusing to acknowledge someone’s “no” or “maybe”.
• Assuming that wearing certain clothes, flirting, or kissing is an invitation for anything more.
• Someone being under the legal age of consent, as defined by the state.
• Someone being incapacitated because of drugs or alcohol.
• Pressuring someone into sexual activity by using fear or intimidation.
• Assuming you have permission to engage in a sexual act because you’ve done it in the past.

Photo by Banter Snaps on Unsplash