Open Discussions Leads to Enjoyable Boundaries

Teens may find it easier to go to friends or mentors to ask questions about sex than the person they are having sex with. No one wants to feel embarrassed in front of their partner because they are not knowledgeable.  But how do you talk to a teen about sex without it feeling like a lecture, or without making them feel uncomfortable?

 A great way is to relate to them about the feelings of awkwardness. Maybe share a story that is funny and not too intimate. “One time I was kissing my partner and suddenly there was a loud slurping and popping sound that came from us. It was so weird that we both started laughing really hard. I thought the laughing was going to kill the mood, but it didn’t. Then later when we were talking about it, we started laughing again. Honestly, because we found it so funny we talked about it all the time, and it made us feel a lot closer.”  This kind of story can break the ice because it is funny. It shows that awkward things happen with sexual activity all the time, and it opens up the idea that talking about things can improve intimacy between two people.

 Tell the teens you mentor that talking about sexual intimacy can feel really strange at first, but talking to your partner leads to more enjoyable sexual experiences. Teach them that they can learn what the other person is interested in and express what they are interested in too. Stress that if they are going to have sex, then they should be able to talk about it.  Give your New Mexico teen some examples of how talking can be central to having a healthy sexual relationship. If appropriate, suggest they talk with you about their partner. This can help get some of the jitters out of the way.  You can give the unlikely reactions that will likely make them laugh and relax a little.

 Sharing stories about conversations you have had, or times when you felt weird, is a great way to put them at ease.  Ultimately everyone is worried about being rejected and feeling embarrassed. Learning to communicate, and helping the teen you mentor learn to communicate, is the best way to help put those fears to rest and help them get more comfortable with communicating in their relationship. 

Teens may find it easier to go to friends or mentors to ask questions about sex than the person they are having sex with. No one wants to feel embarrassed in front of their partner because they are not knowledgeable.  But how do you talk to a teen about sex without it feeling like a lecture, or without making them feel uncomfortable?

 A great way is to relate to them about the feelings of awkwardness. Maybe share a story that is funny and not too intimate. “One time I was kissing my partner and suddenly there was a loud slurping and popping sound that came from us. It was so weird that we both started laughing really hard. I thought the laughing was going to kill the mood, but it didn’t. Then later when we were talking about it, we started laughing again. Honestly, because we found it so funny we talked about it all the time, and it made us feel a lot closer.”  This kind of story can break the ice because it is funny. It shows that awkward things happen with sexual activity all the time, and it opens up the idea that talking about things can improve intimacy between two people.

 Tell the teens you mentor that talking about sexual intimacy can feel really strange at first, but talking to your partner leads to more enjoyable sexual experiences. Teach them that they can learn what the other person is interested in and express what they are interested in too. Stress that if they are going to have sex, then they should be able to talk about it.  Give your New Mexico teen some examples of how talking can be central to having a healthy sexual relationship. If appropriate, suggest they talk with you about their partner. This can help get some of the jitters out of the way.  You can give the unlikely reactions that will likely make them laugh and relax a little.

Sharing stories about conversations you have had, or times when you felt weird, is a great way to put them at ease.  Ultimately everyone is worried about being rejected and feeling embarrassed. Learning to communicate, and helping the teen you mentor learn to communicate, is the best way to help put those fears to rest and help them get more comfortable with communicating in their relationship. 

Photo by sydney Rae on Unsplash