Does No Ever Really Mean Yes?

In relationships, one of the first things a young couple learns is that when it comes to sex, No Means No. Each person engaged in sexual activity has the right to refuse at the start, or to change his or her mind at any time. A sexual encounter can be ended at any moment if any of the participants are no longer willing to be part of it. Still, some people are confused by this and ask questions about it. Here are some of the most common:

 1 – My partner didn’t actually say the word “No”. How do you know if they mean no?

 There are so many ways to say no. You can say it by saying things like, “not right now”, “let’s not”, “or how about later.” Even a shrug or squinched up face, or a “whatever” emoji can mean that maybe they are not cool with what is going on.  If they seem distant, upset, keep looking away, or not really participating, then they may not be as into as you are, and you should stop.

 2 – My partner said he was cool with it, but seemed distant. I am not sure what he means.

 Sometimes sexual encounters are confusing. A person may want to say yes for some reasons and no for other reasons.  If you aren’t 100% sure what your partner wants to do… ask. It can feel really awkward and weird to ask someone if they are cool with what is going on, or moving forward, but it is not as awkward as moving forward when they are not into it. You can ask with a simple, “You ok?”, “Are you cool to keep going?”